Friday, June 20, 2014

Captain Matt: How One Guy Revolutionized My Life

For My Friend, Mentor, and Brother

From that night six months ago Matt told me he was leaving, I've struggled every single day with the unsettling feeling of an inevitable countdown, like a ticking time bomb waiting to blast a crater in the foundation of my existence. I haven't felt this emotionally haunted in such a long time, even longer since I've tried falling asleep every night with tears silently rolling down my pillow. Only a handful of truly notable individuals have passed through during the shifting stages of my youth, each providing me with fruitful, albeit fleeting, moments of companionship that I felt separation would never sever. As time and distance would ultimately divulge, some of those ties have successfully endured while many have painfully faded. However, even among those few rare relationships, none have come remotely close to dwelling as strongly and as powerfully in my life as my friendship with Matt, which for me had evolved into an almost mythical bond as sacred and indestructible as that of Castor and Pollux or Hunahpu and Xbalanque. Unlike any of my previous involvements with friends equally as talented and riveting, my time with a character as incomparable as Matt has been far more than merely an engaging story written in the pages of my life story. It has become an epic history carved deeply into my spirit, a legacy of transcendental experiences tightly woven into the very fabric of my being, and an inspiring force that has molded me into who I am at present. Within the vast treasury of my heart, where I've gradually accumulated a wealth of exceptional friends like ingots of gold, Matt is the lone glistening diamond. And knowing him, he'd likely prefer to be raw and unpolished.

In only two years with him, I lived an entire lifetime, vigorously swept up in a whirlwind of adventurous endeavors and enlightening encounters that shared a full range of emotions from pure euphoria to painful heartbreak. In only two hours with him, through conversations over an aromatic brew of Moroccan mint tea, I learned in perfect tranquility how enriching and life-altering a genuine friend can be. In only two minutes with him, as he sorely broke to me of his eminent departure and moving onward, I learned how one never fully realizes how absolutely perfect something is until it's taken away. And in all my years of wandering and trying to define what I've been seeking to fill my feeling of emptiness, it turns out that a true friendship is all I've ever really desired. After so many years, I had finally found that friendship in Matt.

Captain Matt and Co-Pilot Sharja (aka "Team Slug") with the one and only Orange Slug
Our 2013 summer trip to explore the tropical beaches and jungles of the Islas de Perlas, Panama
Our 2014 special Team Slug road-trip along the Baja coast, Mexico

Matt has been the most sublime companion I've ever had the privilege of befriending, exhibiting the ideal balance of essential attributes that I feel everyone needs in their lives. He never once failed to put a smile on my face, as he was foremost celebrated for his impulsive comedic antics and an energetic whimsicality that could brighten anyone's dampened morale. But he also maintained a deeper, more subtle and composed demeanor fashioned from his own distinct collection of philosophical beliefs and significant insights from colorful life experiences. To celebrate his humor, fervor, and eccentricity would be giving credit to merely half of his rich personality, which further exhibited underlying qualities of affection, fairness, and sincere care for his friends. Most importantly, he knew the appropriate time and place to express his many facets. He always seemed to understand when I was troubled and, in addition to always being present during my times of need, he knew when to assume either his silly or serious roles to help me survive my academic and personal struggles. Matt also kept the perfect balance of audacity for activity and reservation for repose. He could enjoy and contribute towards a private and intimate tea session as equally and as easily as a rigorous communal excursion. He could thrive with virtually any group of people, all hypnotically drawn like moths to his radiant aura. He was always welcoming, inclusive, and tolerant of those that he encountered, likely a result of his upbringing in a large and bustling nuclear family. This had a tremendous impact on my own social interactions and perceptions of acceptance. As a victim of prejudice and violent bullying, I lived most of my childhood shy, distrustful, and always on the fringe, often present among my peers while never completely included by them. Matt gave me my first real sense of unconditional belonging, completely accepting me for who I am even despite gradually learning over time of my mental, physical, and emotional flaws. To this day, he has remained the single friend that I can comfortably confide in and consistently take refuge, as well as the only one that I would willingly entrust my life, particularly in light of some of the sticky situations we've faced and overcome together.

Yet even aside from his nature as an impeccable friend, Matt as a multifaceted person has always been both captivating and fascinating to me. While upon first impressions he conveyed a free-spirited exuberance and tattered suavity, often portraying a disheveled youth marked by a lack of inhibition, those who grew to know Matt more intimately could testify to knowing a cogent and sophisticated man marked by inherent intellect, infinite innovation, and exceptional entrepreneurship. Born from his engineering training and multi-athletic pastimes, Matt was a naturally gushing fountain of ideas ranging from the scientific and technological to the intrepid and recreational. Every visit to his place would reveal some tantalizing new creation of his in mid-construction, or some exceedingly ambitious project in mid-production. In a monotonous desert of stagnant concepts and entrenched ideologies, Matt was a refreshing oasis perpetually inundating me with his plans for novel inventions and optimized systems, all deriving from his personal conviction to make the individual, the community, and ultimately the world more progressive. And even though some of his proposals seemed beyond the scope of my own particularly vivid imagination, his passion and charisma were enough to inspire and warrant my greatest sense of admiration. Never before have I come across such a clever and astute individual whose mere presence alone had the power to ignite within me roaring flames of excitement and motivation for discovery and advancement. But perhaps my favorite quality of Matt's was his insatiable tenacity in searching for and grasping Life's most thrilling experiences. While already possessing my own taste for exploration and novelty, Matt's vigorous enthusiasm for the bold and daring took me to an even higher level of allure, as I gradually witnessed myself turning into a zealous weekend-warrior adventure-seeker in an effort to simply keep up with him.

Hiking the summit of Mt Baldy, 2012
Hiking the summit of Mt. San Jacinto, 2013
Messing around at Selma's pool, 2012
Tropical fruits at Vietnamese New Year, 2014
Celebrating my first half marathon, 2013
















Bargaining for blankets in La Bufadora, 2013


Cooking Moroccan Bastilla, 2012












Celebrating the end of Ramadan with kebabs, 2013


Eating paella at Coachella, 2013












My first American train ride back to Irvine post-cycling, 2014


Petrol refilling in Ensenada, 2014












Going crazy at one of many concerts at Coachella, 2014
Making a quick sharp turn on a narrow road in Mexico, 2014


Growing up, my parents have always told me that a companion who can make you laugh is a great friend, but a companion who can make you learn is a glorious one. Indeed, I've always deeply appreciated friends that have given me amazing moments and memories, but those who have given me knowledge and skills to help improve my mental and physical capabilities have been worthy of even more exceptional praise. Matt in his own right was a sponge for knowledge, eagerly soaking up whatever vital information he could extract from others on virtually any subject. And when not physically engaged, the man always had his head buried in a new book, reading in whatever brief moment his non-stop life could spare. Having had the honor of living in the light of his impressive erudition, Matt also helped me to blossom and flourish alongside him, setting for me an example by which to perceive life with new perspective, to contemplate ideas without confinement, and to solve problems with pragmatism. In exchange for whatever academic, cultural, and culinary insights from my international nurturing that I could provide, Matt taught me nearly twice as much in terms of recreation, athleticism, and life survival from his classic Americana upbringing. A veritable Silk Road connected our respective Eastern and Western heritages as we mutually shared our proud family histories, cultural traditions, and spiritual philosophies - countless stories that were almost always related while out on the road ourselves, Slug-tripping in his Vanagon. And to compliment the vast ideological exchanges, an already free-flowing trade of music, food, art, and technology was set in place, often assuming the forms of numerous burned CDs, late-night cooking experiments, colorfully messy projects, and an infinite number of informative Google+ postings. Whether it was I showing him how to spice a coconut curry or he showing me how to install a transmission, both of us had our eyes opened to a myriad of fresh educational opportunities that further enriched our already unique bond.

But perhaps the most treasured things Matt gave to me were the lessons I learned from him while out in the field on one of our countless adventures. What transformed these simple lessons into priceless teachings was the fact that he always found a way to elicit profound insight and inspiration from activities others would simply overlook as commonplace, imparting his wealth of wisdom to me at the most felicitous moments of our wanderings. Of the innumerable talents I took from him, Matt's greatest contribution to my repertoire of experiences was certainly his most recognized forté - cycling. He single-handedly revived within me a love and ardor for an art form I thought had long ago died with my childhood, showing me the intricacies of bike mechanics and mentoring me on proper techniques as we frequently rode around town. He devoted several sensational weekends to me that witnessed some of the most remarkable (if not absolutely aberrant) achievements of my life, including a 30-mile ride to Laguna and a 33-mile jaunt to San Diego, before dramatically climaxing with a 65-mile haul to Solana Beach. And even despite my fledgling riding skill and endurance, Matt patiently trailed behind me with the utmost optimism, constantly looking out for my safety on busy roads, encouraging me before every steep climb, and generously giving me water and sustenance with every respite. Matt eventually surpassed his duties as my personal coach and essentially assumed the role of my bike guru, teaching me his philosophy on "life rides" versus "number rides", the magic of solo exploration on two wheels, and the use of bike riding as a pathway to introspection. But besides using our cycling excursions as a means for sharing his views, Matt also exemplified his principles on every other type of trip that we undertook together. Hiking alongside him up forested trails to summit some of California's highest peaks, he explained to me how he fervently believed in the pursuit of adventure not in search of Life's meaning, but rather for the sake of giving Life meaning, exhibiting his boundless appreciation for existence in all its spontaneity and uncertainty. He elucidated the importance of never thinking too many steps ahead for fear of losing one's self and losing sight of the beauty in the unexpected, and how Life has an uncanny propensity to work itself out in due time. Ironically, these insights were typically revealed as we found ourselves lost in a swamp at night while trudging in knee-high mud, or covered in oil stains while frantically trying to repair a broken-down Volkswagen. Our meandering road-trips and overnight camping expeditions around California and Baja Mexico further added to my personal enlightenment in the spirit of wanderlust. Our reconnaissance missions and engaging swims along the jungled coastlines of Panama further contributed towards my personal enthrallment in the spirit of exploration.

Raised in a family where travel is a way of life, I had already grown up on the notion of enjoying the journey just as much as, if not more than, the final destination. However, Matt revitalized within me a conscious awareness of the enchantment inherent to the present moment in each stage of our illustrious odyssey, as well as the fact that a journey's value is ultimately defined by the people we travel with rather than the places we travel through. Written in the wrinkles of his enormous smile or in the glimmer of his enraptured eyes, his jubilantly animated company alone gave me sufficient reason to savor each memorable occurrence with him as if it would be my last.


On our 30 mile bike adventure to Laguna Beach, 2014
On our 33 mile bike adventure to San Diego, 2014
On our epic 65 mile bike adventure to Solana Beach, 2014
The night we trekked with our bikes through the muddy Back Bay, 2013

Tie-dying curtains for the Vanagon, 2013
Waiting at the finish line for Matt's mountain bike race, 2014














Midnight dancing to cumbia in LA, 2013




Matt buys me my first ice cream truck treat, 2014



Pure joy after finally getting the Vanagon to run in time for Coachella, 2014


Finally, Matt helped me to learn about a subject that has proven to be far more complex than I could've ever imagined - myself. He readily demonstrated for me how to break free from suffocating social expectations and to take pride in showcasing my true nature in everything that I do. From ebulient and unreserved dance moves at raging concerts to affable and verbose conversations with complete strangers, Matt taught me the importance of interacting with others without forfeiting my character or pleasure in fear of judgement or ridicule. His dashing, valiant, and buoyant mannerisms, coupled with his attitude of independence, inspired in me the confidence and strength to stand up for myself and push forward, particularly at times when everything seemed to be silencing me or holding me back. His generous advice and motivational talks empowered me to set goals for myself rather than for others, as well as reach out and attain even the things I never imagined myself being capable of achieving. Even more significant were his reminders to me of my worth and talents, not only as a friend but as a functional member of society. And when he couldn't be present, simply envisioning his faith in me helped serve as the source of positive energy for facing my greatest fears and combating my heaviest challenges. Having someone as admirable as Matt believe in me granted me unparalleled courage in light of my internal tribulations, and his emboldening words became the force that would ultimately end up saving my life. I've discovered just as much, if not more, about myself and my own potential in only two years with Matt as I have in 20 years of fine schooling and foreign travel.



Visiting Matt's family home after Christmas, 2012


Greeting the rising sun after camping in Crystal Cove, 2014

Celebrating my 26th birthday with my best friend, 2014

Slug-trip back up to the Bay Area for winter, 2013
Flying in a tiny Cessna  from Irvine to Van Nuys, 2014
Coming back from jamming at the Laguna full moon drum circle, 2013


The two-year progression of my relationship with Matt witnessed his gradual transformation from a mere acquaintance to my closest companion, and eventually to my respected mentor. But below the surface of our thriving friendship, he ultimately grew to represent something in my eyes that would permanently and profoundly alter my life forever. Matt had begun to physically embody the spirit of my brother whom I had lost years ago, taking over the vacant role of an older sibling whose virtuous qualities I could emulate and whom I could strive to make proud. The more I was granted the opportunity to be a part of his life, the more I began to see him as having a significant fraternal role in my own. Throughout the course of our time together, I suddenly found myself sharing personal things and participating in the types of activities with him that my solitary childhood never got the chance to experience with my own brother. So many novel memories were fashioned as a result of his considerable influence in my life, along with a number of "firsts" that he was either directly responsible or present for, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • My first American/English-language music festival/rock concert at Coachella.
  • My first real overnight road-trips with friends, around California and Baja Mexico. 
  • My first ride on an ATV, driving out around the dunes and chaotic streets of Ensenada.
  • My first time wearing an actual wet suit, jumping into the chilly waters around Rosarito.
  • My first encounter with purchasing, smuggling, and playing with fireworks.
  • My first time spontaneously diving into a frigid ocean fully clothed, after biking to Newport Beach.
  • My first personal lessons from him on surfing, snorkeling, and boogie boarding while in Panama. 
  • My first trip to a baseball park, at the end of an epic bike ride to downtown San Diego.
  • My first ride on an American train, at the end of an epic bike ride to Solana Beach.
  • My first epic bike rides in general, all of which have been 30+ miles and included delicious tacos.
  • My first tie-dying experience, whose fabric was later used to make curtains for his awesome Vanagon.
  • My first laser tag battle, when he came to visit me with friends during my scientific conference.
  • My first strike while bowling, in one of the most competitive games I've ever played with him.
  • My first time avoiding police to sneak into a state park for some nighttime mountain biking.
  • My first introductions to Gmail/Google Docs/Blogging/Twitter/Android devices/Go-Pros/Time-lapse photography
As well as other memorable moments such as:
  • The first time games made an appearance in my life, including Bavarian Uno, Bananagrams, and Clue.
  • The first time I got to drive a 1980 VW Vanagon microbus, a truly hilarious scenario.
  • The first time I spent the night in a vehicle, which felt more like a home to me than any structure.
  • The first time I got to eat a dessert from an ice cream truck, which he kindly purchased for me.
  • The first time I ran a half marathon, or more precisely, the first time I ever ran, period. 
  • The first time I lost toe nails as a result of so much hiking and running with him. 
  • The first time I got to help with intense automotive repairs and become a fellow "grease monkey".
  • The first time I drove an automatic car, which he lent me to surprise my parents for Thanksgiving.
  • The first time I consumed boxed macaroni with cheese, as well as drinks made from soluble powders.
  • The first time I donned a Halloween costume to get a free burrito from Chipotle.
  • The first time I summitted Mt. Whitney, the highest peak in the contiguous United States.
  • The first time I spontaneously performed on darbouka at an Arabic restaurant, at his coercion. 
  • The first time I learned how to replace a tire tube and disassemble a bike on my own.
  • The first time I started going to concerts in LA on school nights, often followed by late-night grub and a return after 1 am.

Since the beginning, I have looked up to Matt as a strong and fearless role model, as well as my personal superhero in the absence of an older male figure that I could relate to. He even assumed in my imagination the position of a figurative "captain" whom I could proudly follow and excitedly report to on all my rigorous endeavors. But to have suddenly discovered and acquired the apogee of affiliations - a living, breathing big brother - after so many years of painful longing was like an impossible wish had been finally granted to me. In light of the leadership and guidance he has provided for me over the years, already in addition to his blessings of endearment and guardianship, Matt has quite honestly been the most genuine brother I have ever had and an absolute godsend in my life. The name "Matthew" itself means Gift of God, and not a single day has passed where I haven't considered Matt to be my priceless gift. 






Family and friends all over the world still continue to tell me in humorous amazement how none of them could have foreseen me befriending and growing so exceptionally close to a Caucasian Catholic hailing from an archetypal suburban American family. But perhaps that's exactly the reason why it happened. In spite of the plethora of "foreign" people whose cultures, cuisines, languages, and religions have permeated my itinerant life, Matt has surprisingly been the most radically different experience for me and frankly the most unique individual to have ever left a mark. Such a realization has proven to me that commonality and difference are merely two sides of the same coin, that real friendships are so much more than skin-deep or one-way streets, and that sometimes the people we end up loving the most are the people we'd least expect. 

As beloved, popular, and in high demand as he is and will continue to be, I've always had to accept being just another drop of water in the vast sea of Matt's friendships and social life, even more so as he continues to meet many new people far more interesting and accomplished than myself. But for me personally, Matt will forever hold the exclusive title of being my only best friend, the most perfect I've ever had the honor of making. No one before nor after him will ever be able to live up to the standard he has set or the model he has embodied.







For Captain Matt, may you never forget your trusted Co-Pilot and loyal friend as you bike off onto the next great adventure Life has in store for you. Thank you for granting me the happiest moments and memories I can recall, so many dreams that never could have come true without you. You will always be on my mind in everything that I do and strive to achieve. I love you and will greatly miss you, sir.  

Sharja
Team Slug Co-Pilot